What is with my kids and tampons??

So last week, Erin told me she needed to go potty. Mind you, we're not really working on potty training -- she goes at school during potty time, and I'll put her on if she asks, but I'm not doing the "do you need to go potty?" every 5 min. When she does go #2, however, she does get 2 M&M's, which are her favorite thing on earth.

So she goes potty, and I say, "Good job, Erin! Now you get 2 M&M's!"

She says, excitedly, "I get a prize!"

We have never once talked prizes. I look at her and say, "No. You don't get a prize. You get 2 M&M's."

She hops off the potty, pants around her ankles, and runs down the hall to my room. She goes into my bathroom, opens the cabinet, pulls out a tampon and says, "I got my prize!" She then proceeds to spread her legs and place the tampon down there, looks at me and says, "I stick it in my bottom?"

"No, no!" I say. "That's not a prize. You don't stick it in your bottom."

She says to me, confidently, "When I'm a grown-up."

Note to self. Erin is too old to be in the bathroom with me.

Got souls? I think not...

Driving #2 and #3 home from school the other day, and Lauren says, "Mom, guess what happened at school today? It was really bad."

I guessed that one of her teachers was leaving, and she said in a very chipper voice, "Nope. Murray our guinea pig died."

I said, "Oh Lauren, I'm sorry. That's really sad."

"Oh, don't worry Mom. It's OK. We're getting a new bunny!" She was completely thrilled with the idea and didn't seem to be the least bit affected by Murray's death. She then said, "Today, at hug circle, when our teachers told us, Erin was yelling, "Murray's dead! Murray's dead!" over and over.

I was trying to contain my laughter at this point. We come home, Ellie gets off the bus and Lauren (in her chipper voice) tells Ellie that Murray died and how they're getting a new bunny. Ellie is instantly sad..."I loved Murray. Awwww...he died?"

Lauren is looking at Ellie like, "What the hell is wrong with you?" then proceeds to say something like, "I mean, what's the big deal, Ellie? Everything dies."

Oh Lauren...

INAPPROPRIATE!!!!

So we're all sitting at the dinner table the other night...

Ellie: "You know, I don't think it's fair that I have a grandmother that I haven't met."
Lauren: "Well you know, you have a grandfather, too..."
Ellie: "I have a grandfather?"
Kathy: "Of course. Everyone has a father."
Lauren: "Not my friend, Elijah. He has two moms."
Kathy: "You're right, Lauren. Some people have two moms and no dad."
Lauren: "Or two dads."

(Brief pause. At this point, Eric and I are just amazed where this conversation has gone and is going. And then it starts again...)

Ellie: "Do two moms kiss?
Kathy: "Yeah, just like daddy and I kiss, two moms kiss too."
Lauren: "Do two dads kiss?"
Kathy: "Yup, just like a mom and a dad or two moms..."
Lauren (throws her head up in the air): "INAPPROPRIATE!!!"

So apparently, Lauren has no problem with the concept of two moms, but she was not having the two dads at all! LOL

Poison Control...Action!

This happened a few weeks ago, but nevertheless, the 3rd call to Poison Control. Not on my watch, though...this one's on Eric! Erin, who loves squirt bottles, decided to ingest the whiteboard cleaner.

Erin, we love you. Please stop this.

One down...two to go...

Ellie had Election Day off, so she came to work with me. I took her to the bathroom, as you need a key to get in. As she's standing there, drying off her hands, she says, "Mom...I mean, I know what a napkin is, but what's a tampon?" Ahhhh...the question I've been dreading. I said to her that we could talk about it in the car. Her response: "Why? Is it something bad?" (Ellie, always afraid of the worst...) I thought, "Well, we've got to go back to my office, go down the elevator, walk to the car...maybe she'll forget." No such luck. As soon as the door on the van closed, she said, "So what is it?"

And so I launched into it. Told her first that I needed to give her a little background info. Talked about eggs, ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus and blood. I think I did a darn good job, honestly. No talk of the male role in making babies yet, but at the end, I said, "So do you have any questions?" No questions. (She was probably in stunned silence.) Knowing Ellie, I think this will come up again in the next few days, if not weeks.

Costume

Yesterday, Lauren and Erin had school pictures, both individual and sibling pictures. I went to the mall on Tuesday and found these really cute shirts at Gymboree: cream-colored long-sleeved shirts saying "big sister" and "little sister" in fall colors. Since Lauren likes skirts (and rarely gets anything new), I splurged and got her the skirt and matching tights which had the same fall colors in leaves decorating the sides of the tights. Typical Gymboree cute. Picked up leggings for Erin. All told, the bill for these items was about $70, certainly a splurge.

I bring them home, and show them to Lauren. Less than thrilled would've been an understatement. She said she wasn't going to wear the shirt, I said she was, she said she wasn't...you get the picture. She said she wanted to wear what she wore last year. I told her that it wasn't an option, she was wearing the shirt, but she could wear jeans if she wanted. (I knew you wouldn't be able to see below the shirts in the pictures anyway...) She finally relented with this comment: "I guess I'll wear that costume you bought me..."

Costume. An outfit from Gymboree she calls a costume. The fact that, at 4, she mocked the clothes I bought her as a costume. (I, however, am $40 richer since I returned the skirt, tights and leggings...)

Poison Control, Take 2

A few years back, I made my 1st call to poison control when I walked in on Lauren, who had taken her diaper off and had a dirty face, if you know what I mean. Yesterday, I made my 2nd call...

I was sitting on the sofa helping Ellie with her homework, and Erin yapped something at me and wandered upstairs. A few minutes later, I heard water running. Thinking she had turned the tub on, as she likes to do at bathtime, I ran upstairs and headed into the girls' bathroom, where the light was on. Spun right, toward the tub...no Erin. Turned left and there she was: standing on the stool and brushing her teeth with the flouride toothpaste. Lots of it. It was on her shirt, and boy was her breath minty! I looked at the bottle (Colgate Pop Stars) and there was quite a bit missing. I looked at the back of the bottle...something about if more than a normal brushing amount was ingested, contact Poison Control.

Lesson learned...a child would need to ingest about 3/4 of an adult tube of toothpaste for there to be a problem. I was told to give her some milk as she might get an upset stomach. No sign of that...

However, that leads me to a follow-up of the story...

So, this morning, Erin does #2 and tells me she needs a diaper change, as she now likes to be changed immediately when that's in her diaper. So I change her, and let me say...it was a very odd color and consistency -- don't know if that was flouride-related or not. I put a clean diaper on her and send her on her way. She goes downstairs and starts to cry. "My bottom hurts...I need cream..." I'm kinda confused by this, as I had just changed her and saw no irritation. So I confirm with her. "Your bottom hurts? You need cream?" She says yes, so I tell her to lay down and I go to get the cream. I come down, take off her diaper, and there, sticking out of her girl parts, is the plastic "T" that is a result of cutting a tag off of clothing -- the plastic that holds the tags to, in this case, socks. She was fine, once I removed the impaling object. :-) Don't know how that got there.