Got souls? I think not...

Driving #2 and #3 home from school the other day, and Lauren says, "Mom, guess what happened at school today? It was really bad."

I guessed that one of her teachers was leaving, and she said in a very chipper voice, "Nope. Murray our guinea pig died."

I said, "Oh Lauren, I'm sorry. That's really sad."

"Oh, don't worry Mom. It's OK. We're getting a new bunny!" She was completely thrilled with the idea and didn't seem to be the least bit affected by Murray's death. She then said, "Today, at hug circle, when our teachers told us, Erin was yelling, "Murray's dead! Murray's dead!" over and over.

I was trying to contain my laughter at this point. We come home, Ellie gets off the bus and Lauren (in her chipper voice) tells Ellie that Murray died and how they're getting a new bunny. Ellie is instantly sad..."I loved Murray. Awwww...he died?"

Lauren is looking at Ellie like, "What the hell is wrong with you?" then proceeds to say something like, "I mean, what's the big deal, Ellie? Everything dies."

Oh Lauren...

INAPPROPRIATE!!!!

So we're all sitting at the dinner table the other night...

Ellie: "You know, I don't think it's fair that I have a grandmother that I haven't met."
Lauren: "Well you know, you have a grandfather, too..."
Ellie: "I have a grandfather?"
Kathy: "Of course. Everyone has a father."
Lauren: "Not my friend, Elijah. He has two moms."
Kathy: "You're right, Lauren. Some people have two moms and no dad."
Lauren: "Or two dads."

(Brief pause. At this point, Eric and I are just amazed where this conversation has gone and is going. And then it starts again...)

Ellie: "Do two moms kiss?
Kathy: "Yeah, just like daddy and I kiss, two moms kiss too."
Lauren: "Do two dads kiss?"
Kathy: "Yup, just like a mom and a dad or two moms..."
Lauren (throws her head up in the air): "INAPPROPRIATE!!!"

So apparently, Lauren has no problem with the concept of two moms, but she was not having the two dads at all! LOL

Poison Control...Action!

This happened a few weeks ago, but nevertheless, the 3rd call to Poison Control. Not on my watch, though...this one's on Eric! Erin, who loves squirt bottles, decided to ingest the whiteboard cleaner.

Erin, we love you. Please stop this.

One down...two to go...

Ellie had Election Day off, so she came to work with me. I took her to the bathroom, as you need a key to get in. As she's standing there, drying off her hands, she says, "Mom...I mean, I know what a napkin is, but what's a tampon?" Ahhhh...the question I've been dreading. I said to her that we could talk about it in the car. Her response: "Why? Is it something bad?" (Ellie, always afraid of the worst...) I thought, "Well, we've got to go back to my office, go down the elevator, walk to the car...maybe she'll forget." No such luck. As soon as the door on the van closed, she said, "So what is it?"

And so I launched into it. Told her first that I needed to give her a little background info. Talked about eggs, ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus and blood. I think I did a darn good job, honestly. No talk of the male role in making babies yet, but at the end, I said, "So do you have any questions?" No questions. (She was probably in stunned silence.) Knowing Ellie, I think this will come up again in the next few days, if not weeks.